Thursday, December 21, 2006
My kiddo doesn't like change period. After his seizure it seems we have taken two steps back. When College Boy, Big Brother or whoever comes through the door he screams and screams and screams. Walk up the stairs and leave the living room where K.C. was and screaming starts. Bringing groceries in from the car and screaming starts. Not just screaming short term either, this is the kind of long never seeming to end screaming. After an hour he's still screaming- he's been happy upstairs with the door shut to the bedroom. I have to keep the door open because it is upstairs and I have these horrible visions of him taking a flying leap from the bedroom window. There are alarms on the windows but still I keep thinking he can get out somehow. He does come downstairs briefly but then goes back upstairs to watch Pooh Bear. I really should give him space until he's better. It's very hard to calm K.C. talking makes it 100 times worse. Sitting next to him and trying to hug or hold his hand makes him angrier. How do I calm him? I have to be near him when he is in meltdown mood because he hits him head hard and I mean hard on whatever is closest most the times it's the floor. I wonder why headbanging with K.C. is worse after a seizure? Why does he get ticked off so quickly? I am really not liking Autism today period. I love my son with all my heart but don't like the "other" meaning the Autism. Today it is the enemy, something that wreaks havoc on my sons little body. I know he doesn't like feeling the way he does and I just wish there was a way to make him feel better. No kid should have to go through headbanging, screaming and just being unhappy and not being able to communicate. I am angry, very angry at the Autism. I have to vent or I'll explode!! He came down from the bedroom this morning and walked into the kitchen, his eyes searching. I am thinking, "he 's hungry, maybe thirsty? I know that words aren't what he wants to hear today. I take out the PECS photos that ARE NOT WORKING WELL despite or using them consistently each and everyday! I take some photos of food and drinks out and place them on the table. K.C. sees them and screeches and wipes them off the table like a mad man, I direct him back to the mess he made and help him "clean up pictures" and "put on table." We get through this, he starts to head back up the stairs but before he goes he has to fling his self to the floor and try* to pull his hair out (thank God it was cut yesterday) and it only makes him angrier so he flings his head back toward the railing of the stairs and hits his head. We now have a goose egg on the back of his head. I had to hold him until some of the screaming stopped. 20 minutes later he's exhausted. he's sleeping.