Thursday, December 21, 2006

Meltdowns


My kiddo doesn't like change period. After his seizure it seems we have taken two steps back. When College Boy, Big Brother or whoever comes through the door he screams and screams and screams. Walk up the stairs and leave the living room where K.C. was and screaming starts. Bringing groceries in from the car and screaming starts. Not just screaming short term either, this is the kind of long never seeming to end screaming. After an hour he's still screaming- he's been happy upstairs with the door shut to the bedroom. I have to keep the door open because it is upstairs and I have these horrible visions of him taking a flying leap from the bedroom window. There are alarms on the windows but still I keep thinking he can get out somehow. He does come downstairs briefly but then goes back upstairs to watch Pooh Bear. I really should give him space until he's better. It's very hard to calm K.C. talking makes it 100 times worse. Sitting next to him and trying to hug or hold his hand makes him angrier. How do I calm him? I have to be near him when he is in meltdown mood because he hits him head hard and I mean hard on whatever is closest most the times it's the floor. I wonder why headbanging with K.C. is worse after a seizure? Why does he get ticked off so quickly? I am really not liking Autism today period. I love my son with all my heart but don't like the "other" meaning the Autism. Today it is the enemy, something that wreaks havoc on my sons little body. I know he doesn't like feeling the way he does and I just wish there was a way to make him feel better. No kid should have to go through headbanging, screaming and just being unhappy and not being able to communicate. I am angry, very angry at the Autism. I have to vent or I'll explode!! He came down from the bedroom this morning and walked into the kitchen, his eyes searching. I am thinking, "he 's hungry, maybe thirsty? I know that words aren't what he wants to hear today. I take out the PECS photos that ARE NOT WORKING WELL despite or using them consistently each and everyday! I take some photos of food and drinks out and place them on the table. K.C. sees them and screeches and wipes them off the table like a mad man, I direct him back to the mess he made and help him "clean up pictures" and "put on table." We get through this, he starts to head back up the stairs but before he goes he has to fling his self to the floor and try* to pull his hair out (thank God it was cut yesterday) and it only makes him angrier so he flings his head back toward the railing of the stairs and hits his head. We now have a goose egg on the back of his head. I had to hold him until some of the screaming stopped. 20 minutes later he's exhausted. he's sleeping.

6 comments:

JUST A MOM said...

Oh man tha tis hard, Iam wondering if maybe he has a headache? Maybe it is hurting I know when I use to get migranes I so felt like doing just what he is doing. Hang in there wish there was something I could do to help. Know you are in my thoughts daily.

Melissa H said...

Oh, Tina. I'm so sorry that you and KC are having such a tough time. When Conor gets in meltdown mode, he usually retreats to his room and closes the door, too. I'll bet that the seizures make KC hypersensitive to everything: touch, sight, sounds. When Conor is at OT, he goes into this little kid tent to get away. I asked the OT about that and she said that it is self-regulating. She suggested giving Conor a big box to climb into. Maybe that could help KC feel calmer, too?

Melissa H said...

Oh, Tina. I'm so sorry that you and KC are having such a tough time. When Conor gets in meltdown mode, he usually retreats to his room and closes the door, too. I'll bet that the seizures make KC hypersensitive to everything: touch, sight, sounds. When Conor is at OT, he goes into this little kid tent to get away. I asked the OT about that and she said that it is self-regulating. She suggested giving Conor a big box to climb into. Maybe that could help KC feel calmer, too?

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and KC and the meltdowns, I know how hard it gets and will be hoping for calmer times with you. I tried to leave comments after KC had his seizer but the new blogger doesn't always let me, urggg! So, I was thinking of you then as well!!!

Kristina Chew said...

I have had exactly these kinds of moments, days. Really awful, when you think the world may as well come to an end but there is this screaming, sobbing, hurting child in your arms and you have to make it better. What is going on with KC's medication? What does his therapy team suggest? Have you done an FBA to determine why he is head-banging---we found that it served something of a sensory purpose for Charlie.

Take care of yourself.

kyra said...

oh, tina, my goodness, honey, i am so so sorry you are all going through this, especially, of course, sweet kc and his obvious struggle. that must be incredibly hard to witness, to not be able to comfort him, to not know how to alleviate his unhappiness. i feel for you all and am sending my best thoughts to you. i wonder if this seizure activity sends his brain into spasms or something? not that i know ANYTHING about it but i wonder what it feels like in his sweet little head.

and yes, it's okay to vent! it will pass. it will. hang in there.

sending our best.