Tuesday, July 22, 2008


K.C. has been having awful self injurious behaviors. I am really trying to understand what is setting him off. He can't stand to hear the water running or much of any noise lately. He doesn't want to take a bath because of the running water, he cries, hits himself and has yanked alot of his hair out down to the scalp. I am totally heartbroken. I can't sleep because I am worried, I just sit and watch him sleep, thinking about him, how can I help him? Will he always hurt himself? I wonder if he's very sad? There are so many thoughts going through my head.
I have been telling myself that not all days are going to be good. Some days will be tough, but most days are good.

I did take K.C. to the doctor today, his ears are fine, I thought it may have been his ears but the doctor said his ears looked good. The doctor really didn't offer any suggestions, as a matter of fact she just listened and stared at K.C which made him very antsy. She increased his Risperdal to 3 mg. I want K.C. to feel better but I am worried that the Risperdal will make him eat even more. He has gained alot of weight on the Risperdal. I am just praying that he feels better and I figure out what is going on with K.C. It must be so frustrating for him, he can't communicate to me how he feels, it has to be very frustrating.

When K.C.'s s.i.b.s. are happening more, Big Brother gets very worried and he is always on edge. He feels it is his place to watch over K.C. and stop him from hitting himself. I explained to him that it was Mommy's place to help K.C. through his s.i.b.s. and told him I loved him and thanked him for helping but told him, "I can always help K.C." Big Brother isn't very happy these days and has spent alot of time putting puzzles together with Adam or watching Disney videos.

Tomorrow I am going to have to cut K.C.'s hair very short so that he can't grab it anymore. His lip is busted from head banging, tomorrow I am just going to let him have a day without therapies, a K.C. day to do some of the things K.C. wants to do.

Big Brother and Adam are well. Today they watched Edward Scissor hands and then they watched Jumanji. They watched it upstairs away from K.C. because K.C. screams his head off if someone suddenly pops in a video. He runs around the house in a complete panic crying and covering his ears. I put a television in the kitchen and Big Brother has been using headphones to listen to whatever he tries to watch, if K.C. doesn't scream.

I just want all the boys to be happy. Please say a little prayer for K.C. to feel better, I am worried so much about him.

Friday, July 18, 2008

K.C. is uneasy. Adam starts ABA. Big Brother is at Summer Kamp.

Hello Everybody, I thought I would post an update on the boys.

Big Brother has been at Summer Kamp. Yesterday the camp had a family night so we went to watch him and his fellow campers sing and dance. Afterwards I watched him play games, say goodbye to the camper teachers and he ate candy, lots of candy. I found a new snack while I was there. They are called Flamin Hot Cheetos with lime. I normally don't eat much junk food but these were actually good. Big Brother had a great time at camp and was eager to get home. When we got home he was so happy to see K.C. and Adam. He kept saying, "I missed you guys!" He hugged K.C. quickly cause that is about all K.C. can tolerate when it comes to hugs and gave Adam a great big hug. Adam can tolerate hugs a little bit better than K.C. He had a really great time at camp.

Adam has started ABA in full swing. When my mother was alive she wasn't a big fan of ABA at all, he went to therapies and did try ABA for awhile but for some reason my mother never liked Adam in ABA. I have started an ABA program for Adam and he's doing well. When Adam first started in reminded me so much of K.C.'s first ABA sessions. Lots of screaming, getting up and stimming. We are working on sitting during a sessions with Adam. Before ABA he wouldn't sit with a stranger (his new ABA teacher) for more than a minute. We are slowly working on it and his adjusting very nicely. Even though Adam is a teenager I feel that ABA will help him so much. It's never too late for ABA. I have some guilt about starting the ABA program with Adam but I want what's best for Adam and I believe this is it. I talked to my Dad about ABA and he agreed. He told me to do what I thought was best for Adam. My Dad is not the same person, he is so depressed and has lost weight. The boys and I visit him on a regular basis. I am trying so hard to move forward with the boys, when I see my Dad so sad I feel like I have taken two steps back. I hate that I feel like that. I feel like I am being so selfish. I miss my Mother so much, it hurts badly. I get a rush of sadness in the pit on my stomach when I think of her. I just really want the boys to be the best they can be. I want them to keep moving forward always. We will look back on special days, but for now these boys are my top priorities.

K.C. is not doing so well. His little face says it all. He looks so uptight and distant these days, I just don't know what is wrong with him. His crying and screaming has been happening everyday, when I try to calm him his s.i.b.s. are awful. He seems so uneasy and has been getting into alot of things he never did before. I don't know if it's a sensory issue or not but he has been dumping shampoo or any liquid he can find on the floor and rub his hands in it. He screams his head off when I stop him from doing it. He has been covering his ears as well. He has always covered his ears but now it's happening more. I really have to figure out what is wrong with my boy. We have a doctors appointment next week. I just have to get through to next week and try my best to stay calm, talk calm and not let on that I am upset or he'll become more upset. I sent our helper out to (Miss Tacey) Target to buy 4 cans of shaving cream and more shampoo and bubble bath. I can't help but think this is sensory issue. Poor little kiddo, I hope that this passes soon and he's back to himself. Our schedules haven't changed and we have really done a great job of sticking to our schedules, getting to therapies and being on time.

We hope all of you and your kiddos are doing well, it has been a very hot Summer here in AZ. today we are in 111 degree temp. We Will go for our swim this evening and then stop off at McDonald's for one plain hamburger, a large Diet Dr.Pepper, a Large French Fry, one grilled snack wrap with ranch for Big Brother, one Arctic orange shake for Big Brother and two blue powerades for Adam and K.C.