Friday, August 31, 2007

Magnetix / Ignorance

K.C. has been playing with his magnet set quite a bit this week. I have managed to keep his little hands busy and have done lots of lotion rubs on his arms and it's working! He isn't pinching himself as much and I am very happy about that and sure that K.C. is too. Thank you guys for all the great ideas regarding the pinching :)
We took my Mother grocery shopping with us today. She sometimes goes with us and my brother stays home with my Dad. I think she likes getting out of the house for a bit during the day. She lives near ASU so we went shopping at a grocery store that was only 15 minutes from the university. K.C. held my Mom's hand as we walked in the store. I really believe he likes to see my Mom but he just can't show it yet.
Inside the store it seemed most of the shoppers we college students. As we walked near the eggs K.C. stopped and stared up at the ceiling. I put my hand on his back and gave him a little push to keep him walking. He would not budge. My Mom said, "just give him a few minutes, there's no hurry." So we did just that, we talked and I held the eggs in my hand as I talked to my Mom, I thought maybe people walking by would think we were just talking about the eggs while we let K.C. be. After a few minutes I put my hand on his back and said "walk." He walked but then he started moving his fingers quickly and staring at them. This kid can make his fingers move fast! He was walking and flicking. He wasn't watching where he was going at all. Just watching the fingers. I held onto the back of his shirt and guided him and his fingers to the checkout. As we waited K.C. was good. He continued to play with his fingers and then it happened. I heard someone laughing. Then I heard someone say, "your so mean!" A young man was laughing at my baby, the young lady was telling him how "mean he was to be laughing at that little boy." My mother turned around gave them a dirty look. The young girl wasn't really laughing at K.C. it was the guy who was.
We just ignored them but it really got me thinking. I have been thinking about it all day long. K.C. is doing an awesome of job of going to the store and I am so proud of him. I really think he stims to keep himself calm. He is learning to cope all on his own in his own way. I will be damned if I try to stop him because it "looks weird or people think it's not appropriate." Then I wondered why is it that K.C. has to change? Why can't people learn to accept him for who he is? They are the ones who need to change, not my 6 year old boy. He isn't hurting anyone and he shouldn't be laughed at by adults. Shame on them.


Melissa H said...

Tina, it is so funny that you came to that conclusion. I, too, have been thinking, why is it so important for Conor to "fit in" at a public school? Is that my goal?! To have him be just like every other kid and march in a line, like a little clone? No! I'm just fine with Conor going to a school where they embrace his strengths and help him overcome (not chastise) his weaknesses. Good for US.

Lora said...

That is so unacceptable and downright rude! Oh Tina I feel for you and wish that you didn't go through that. I just ignore people who stare, point, and laugh at Griffin but it's not always easy. You are a strong and awesome woman and mommy you seem to handle situations so well even when it breaks your heart. You are right that K.C. shouldn't be the one to change it is other people who are ignorant and need to change their cruel ways. Keep goin' strong girl and hang in there just remember that we are always here for you to support you and cheer you on when situations like this occur. We love you guys! Big hugs to the three of you from the two of us.

Niksmom said...

Ok, first of all, I lov eyour mother! The whole bt about giving KC time and not being in a hurry...awesome. And hell hath no fury like a Grandma whose gandchile id being mocked by snotty college kids! Sounds like school and the lotion rubs and tuff are doing good things for KC. Way to go mamacita!

Mom without a manual said...

Yes! Shame on them. You keep doing what you are doing. I think it was a succesful mission to the store. I would agree that those were calming maneuvers and the more he practices the less stimming he might need in that situation.

Keep showing your little man the world!!!!

JUST A MOM said...

you are so right,,, just look at al the "different" people out there .. man the EMO kids and Punk kids oh man look at them do WE laugh,,, I just question WHERE IS THAT ONES MOMMY!!!! KIDING ... I think it is great he is doing so well.

LAA and Family said...

Sometimes it's really hard to ignore the stares and the whispered comments, and laughs are even tougher. I gave up on worrying about my son "blending in" a long time ago, but sometimes it's hard to tolerate all the attention that my son draws to us in public.

I think it's fantastic that you take KC to the grocery store, and that you have such a terrific helper in your Mom! Here's a second to "Keep showing your little man the world!!!!"

Merelyme said...

yes indeed shame on them! in this day and age if someone has not seen a child who has autism...well they will in due time. it seems that the supermarket is the place where such things always happen. our community knows us well. lol my son has made himself known in a lot of places. you gotta just focus on your child and put blinders on to the rest of the world. if he is not hurting or disturbing others there is no reason to even look at the other folks.

yeah...stims are a way for a kid with autism to calm down. and there is nothing wrong with that at all.

we try to go to the market when things are slow and there aren't too many people.

it sounds like K.C. did a great job in the store and you should be proud. don't let an idiot rob you of your son's success.

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A Bishops wife said...

This made me sad...very sad. I wonder sometimes if people have souls. I have had the same thing happen to Junior and have seen it when I have been in the store and a parent has, especially a teen age, autistic child with them. I just hate it. These kids a more than likely,more intellegent than they are. People are so wierd--the ones who think they are so "normal".

My Noddy stims alot with his fingers. He flapps his hands alot too. He will move his fingers very fast and in complicated ways. He gets very absorbed with it when at school, to the exclusion of all else. The therapist said she is getting him a "sqwishy" ball to hold. He stims alot though.

The store is a real challenge and he sounds like he did great!

kristi said...

Well, good for KC for doing well in the store. TC does pretty well in the store, but we have had our share of tantrums in the past. Just keep working on it. You know, people are going to sometimes stare or be "ugly" and that is on them. It hurts us as Mommas though because we love our kids unconditionally.

Melinda said...

Hang in there! Same things used to happen with Noah. He went through a period where he flicked his fingers and moved his hands repetitively in the stores and at the parks...and is calming to them and helps them deal with being in our world which tends to overstimulate them. Now Noah does little stimming in public.......but basically waits till we get home to do most of his. I let him do any motions he had to in public as long as they were not disrupting to whatever was going on in our immediate environment. Sometimes he would be disruptive by making too many loud sounds and I started prompting him and letting him know there was a time and place for everything. To really work hard to be good in church for example....and sit quietly working on things I took for him to work on.....and then once we got outside and in the car or home he could make all the sounds he wanted. This worked very well for us. I am not suggesting you have to do that with K.C. however.

BUT hang in there. People will always find someone to poke fun at or laugh at. We have to remember they are IGNORANT and clueless.......if they were not......I doubt they would be laughing. Or if autism touched their lives even indirectly......they would think twice.