Thursday, June 19, 2008

Getting Away...

Twice a year my little brother Adam would go to Carlsbad CA. with my Mom and Dad to visit the ocean. My Parents have had a timeshare there for a few years. My brother has always loved walking on the beach and my Mom would look forward to the 6 hour drive to Carlsbad and mostly the gorgeous weather.

My Father as I mentioned before is living in assisted living. He reminded us that it "was our turn" for the timeshare. It was very hard to think of getting away without my Mom with us. My Dad didn't want to go but really wanted us to go because Adam loves the beach so much. I thought about it. Thought alot about it and decided to go. Maybe this is just what the boys need, to get away from everything and clear their minds.

So it would be me, Adam, K.C., Big Brother, College Boy and our helper, Miss Tacey. We planned to stay for 4 days so I had alot of packing to do for the boys. We have worked out a pretty good system of doing things since Miss Tacey has moved in to help us. She has been wonderful. She knows so much about Autism and I can truly see that she cares about the boys in her eyes. "My little reporter" has only said positive things about her and my gut feeling is good. Miss Tacey helps with K.C. and Big Brother. I am always with Adam because I don't want anyone getting pinched or scratched no matter how much experience he or she has with Autism. I love Adam dearly and understand why he pinches. He has been doing wonderfully and hasn't been pinching very much these days. K.C. has really made some huge changes since Adam has joined the family. Having a teen with Autism is tough but having a teen without Autism is tough too. K.C. seems to have more confidence and has learned to do more for himself. I have seen K.C. watching Adam out of the corners of his eyes and I really believe that he loves Adam.

It took 6 1/2 hours to get to Carlsbad and the boys Daddy met up with us there. Daddy has been staying mostly in San Francisco because of his job. We all met up and began unpacking our stuff into the room. K.C. did have a big smile on his face when he saw his Daddy waiting for us, Big Brother was thrilled so much because I kept it secret from him. He had no idea that his Daddy would be meeting us there so he was a happy kiddo! Adam looked anxious when he saw the boys Daddy. I guess that next time I really need to show him a photo of the boys Daddy so that he knows what to expect when we arrive. I just thought it would be a nice surprise for Big Brother and K.C.
We all planned to eat at an outdoors Mexican restaurant. We really wanted to be outdoors because of the boys, "just in case." The weather was so nice so sitting outside was a real treat. When we left home it was 113 degrees, 6 hours later it was only 72 degrees when we got to Cali. K.C. ate flour tortillas with nothing on them, just heated and crispy. Big Brother ate Carne Asada and Adam ate a cheese crisp (made very crispy for Adam and only cheese) K.C. eyeballed Adam's cheese crisp and snatched at it twice. K.C. can't have real cheese because of allergies. The boys did a super duper job eating and were such young gentlemen. We only got a few stares because of the noises that Adam and K.C. make. The two of them together generate alot of hums and screeches, "my little orchestra."

When we were all finished eating we walked to the beach. The ocean was just so awesome and immediately I could see how at peace Adam was with the water. He watched the water roll in and out and was mesmerized by it just as K.C. was. Big Brother ran all around the beach collecting shells and anything unusual looking. He did find a really beautiful shell his daddy put a small hole in and made a necklace out of it for him.

It was a really nice trip and I only wish we lived near the ocean for the boys sake. It was wonderful seeing all the boys love the ocean equally and they all were doing pretty much the same things and loving every minute of it.

We got up early everyday around 7 a.m. and walked down to the beach to watch the surfers surf. It was quite foggy on the beach in the mornings.
I feel I have really connected with Adam. I am understanding him more and more each and everyday and couldn't imagine him living anywhere else ever. I can get some smiles out of him and it's such a great feeling.

I just want all the boys to be happy.

Every day I think of my Mother, I miss her so much. I see Adam's eyes and think of my Mom. It's hard being without my Mother, I still keep thinking, "oh I can't wait to tell Mom about...." then I realise that I can't.

Each day is hard but at the same time it's getting a tiny bit easier with each day that goes by. It's hard to explain.

My Mom had always asked that I never put any photos of Adam up on the Internet. She didn't like me putting photos up of Big Brother or K.C. for that matter. She was always very nervous about having any photos of the kids on the Internet so I will always remember how she felt and will never post photos of Adam.

Things are always very busy here, I am just so grateful that I have found such nice people to help with the boys. I am so grateful that College Boy helps us so much.
Monday K.C.'s support coordinator is coming for his ISP visit. There will be some big changes coming up in August in regards to his school and therapies.

In July K.C. and Adam both will be participating in a study of Fluoxetine (Prozac). It is suppose to help with repetitive behaviors. There will be nine visits and it is about 14 weeks long. They will have to get an EKG and blood work done. I am hoping it helps the boys.

Some photos from the trip and a video of K.C.


Niksmom said...

Tina, this post gave me goosebumps. It is amazing how different things are now than they were a year ago. I love seeing the peacefulness in KC's face now in the pics/vids. And, in spite of the grief over the loss of your mother, you sound so much more at ease, too. I am so happy you have some fulltime help with all your kiddos now.

Sounds like this trip to the ocean was just what you ALL needed.

Mrs. C said...

Oh! You have pretty kiddos too! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm glad to have come to take a look. The vacation sounds awesome!!

I can imagine how hard it is, missing your mom, but probably not very well. I'm glad for you that you decided to go on vacation anyway.

~Miss Nelson said...

I am glad to hear you have help in your family and that she understands autism/ That makes the difference really when looking for someone to help. From the pictures of the trip, it looks as though you had a great time. Water can be really relaxing for all and just being in the car going somewhere helps sometimes. Adam sounds amazing, may he continue to smile at you as your relationship with him builds. :)

Lora said...

I am so happy for you guys that you got away for awhile and had a good and relaxing time. It is so wonderful that you have someone to help you who is qualified and trustworthy, you so deserve it. Thanks for sharing the video of KC, he is such a beautiful or rather, a handsome guy.I just cannot say it enough, I admire your tenacity and strength because you take such great care of all the boys. You treat them with such respect and as the individuals that they are. We love you guys so much and send all of you great big hugs!

Donetta said...

It is so wonderful to see The provision that Your Mother so thoughtfully prepared for you and the boys. The love that she showed /shows you in this is so wonderful. To see you with the van is so sweet. You are a wonderful woman and a great mom and sister.
Be embraced.

redheadmomma said...

My parents live in Big Sur (below SF) and there's nothing like the ocean to give me a total feeling of peace. I know it was a big effort to take them all there, but I'm SO glad you decided to go to the timeshare. What a wonderful time. You made Adam and kids so happy! I bet your mom is smiling down from heaven that you went to the timeshare, and at what an AMAZING job you're doing with your kiddos, and with your brother.

And I totally understand how it's still hard, but gets a little easier every day. Your outlook & attitude is something to behold, Tina. You're so amazing to me.


Melissa H said...

Oh Tina, I wish you lived closer! We could all go to the beach together all the time!! Tell Daddy to transfer to Florida. :-)

I'm glad that you are finding your peace in the newness of everything.

Love you, dear friend!

kristina said...

am so, so glad you could go----we know about the power of the ocean to soothe and relax, that's for sure. hope you can do back soon.

i am so amazed and happy to see how KC is handling such huge changes. just from what you have written, he seems to have grown up so much and, as niksmom wrote, you sound so much more at ease too----sometimes when we're asked to do to much, something great like the ocean waves emerges.

so good to hear your updates!

Mom without a manual said...

Wow! I have to agree with the goosebumps. Your lives have changed so much in a year and as crazy as life has to feel in the moments I have to say that you do seem to be radiating so much more peace.

I feel for you about your mom. But as Red said above...your mom is feeling very proudly looking down on you guys!

Ye'he Sh'mey Raba Mevorach said...

Tina - I'm so happy for you and your guys that you could take this vacation! And I totally know what you mean about wanting to tell your mom something. This happened to me for a long time after my dad died - less after my mom died (in many ways I was much closer to my dad, and I was much younger and less independent when he died, too). Sending you hugs for happiness and hugs for strength!

Casdok said...

I admire you all so much, you must be very proud of your family and how you are all working together.
Great to hear that the trip was a success, sounds as though you all got a lot out of it.

gretchen said...

It's making me smile to read this Tina. What a lot of great news. You certainly deserved a vacation and I'm glad you had a nice one. Those boys are so lucky to have you!!

(And I'm sorry we can't see a picture of Adam, but totally understand that you are respecting your mom's wishes. I'm sure he's as handsome as KC and Big Brother!)

mommy~dearest said...

Looks like a lovely trip! I too, am glad to hear that everyone seems to be adjusting to the changes.

kristi said...

I am glad you and the boys are finding your way. :)

Anonymous said...

what a wonderful trip. i love that you were all able to spend that time together. it sounds so healing and joyful.