Today the boys and I and their Daddy went to visit friends at the Chinese Cultural Centre. The weather was beautiful today, about 85 degrees! I am so thankful it is finally cooling off, we can start to go on our walks along the water again.
K.C. and Big Brother both loved walking in the garden area at the centre. K.C. had a smile on his face as we walked and Big Brother asked his dad a million questions about China.
After we finished walking in the garden, we went inside to visit their Dads friends. Before we made our way inside, we had talked about K.C. and what our plan was going to be if he got antsy or stimmy. Once inside we all sat at a very large table and I watched K.C.'s face every few seconds to see if he was showing any signs of uneasiness. As soon as K.C.'s Dad's friends came over to the table to sit with us, (we were about to order food as we were in a restaurant) K.C. watched out of the corner of his eyes as our friends sat down. I can tell you my stomach was in knots for K.C., I was hoping nobody would touch him but as soon as I thought it, it happened. The gentleman that sat closest to K.C. said in a very loud voice, "hello boy, you are getting fat now, so lucky" and then patted him on the shoulders. I knew that was going to be the end of that. K.C. does NOT like to be touched unexpectedly period. Even is school doing hand over hand with him is tough his teacher says, he doesn't like to be touched. As soon as the gentleman touched him, K.C. let out a very loud yell and slid down in his seat to the floor. Big Brother and his Dad were talking non stop with their friends and it was strange to me because even though they had seen K.C. lose it, they were too preoccupied with talking and visiting. To be honest I was just thrilled that Big Brother was able to get out of the house with his Dad, talk with friends and just be happy.
I did try to re direct K.C. but it was too late. K.C. and I got up and did alot more walking in the garden and even walked across the street to buy two 7 ups. He did great! I know that K.C. would have been able to handle the restaurant as well had our friend not touched him. What should I have done I wondered as K.C. and I walked. Should I have immediately asked the man not to touch K.C. as soon as he sat with us? I think I should have, but I guess I just haven't the nerve to ask a friend "not to touch him."
All in all it was a very good day, K.C. is feeling better, Big Brother got to be with his Dad and talk with friends. K.C. and I spent alot of time together and he was happy. I learned something today, just because K.C. isn't doing what everyone else considers "fun" doesn't mean the day is lost. K.C. finds happiness in simple things, like walking with his Mommy and having a soda. I seen the smile on his face and realized that K.C. isn't always going to do what everyone else is doing but what makes him feel happy. That's all that matters in the world, as long as he's happy and healthy I am at total peace and so is he.
6 comments:
You are so wonderful at dealing with situations concerning K.C. You are so totally right about "If he is happy and healthy" then you are at peace and so is he. Those are the words of a woman/mommy who is full of wisdom, I feel the same way about Griffin too. Definitely you know how to handle situations with K.C. and Big Brother with such patience and understanding which is so rare these days I have noticed.
Perhaps one day it will come easier to you to say something ahead of time in order to keep K.C. from experiencing discomfort in a sensory overload situation but for now you do what you are comfortable doing and that's okay because you are by far the most incredible and amazing moms that I know. It will come one day, you will find your words and ultimately speak out for him or who knows, he might just do it for himself suddenly and surprise the heck out of everyone! For the time being, you will do your best and continue with what is safe and comfortable for you and I completely understand that. Often times I need to speak out for Griffin and just haven't found the words and afterwards I kind of beat myself up over it but with time I am doing a little bit better and little by little gaining the strength and confidence that I need to say what is necessary. I sure hope that this comment did not seem like I was preaching to you, I hope that it merely reveals that I care for you guys and that I hope the best for all of you.
As always, we love you bunches and send many many hugs and smiles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wondered where this post was going to go! And am so pleased you had a positive ending. I had a tear in my eye and a smile on my face!
It's so hard to know what to do, sometimes. I often find that I'm about to warn someone about something re: Conor and then I find that I didn't need to say anything. So, when do you speak and when do you hold your tongue? It is such a fine line. Don't feel bad, Tina. I think you did great. KC too. :-)
Oh Tina, that's such a hard one...the unexpected/unwelcome touching. I have that difficulty when I take Nik to the hospital for various things. I have to tell people that they can't just start "doing" things to him, they need to talk to him and tell him what they are going to do and let him see the things they are going to use. I know it's different in a social setting, but I wonder if next time you might want to simply let people know in advance taht it's NOT OK to touch KC without HIS consent. From the looks lof the pictures, he's ok being touched by big brother (though I'm guessing even that had to be negotiated before it happened?). BTW, those first 2 pics of theboys are beautiful...they both look so happy together. My favorite is the first one...so much love.
But I am glad you got to spend time with KC and realized that he doesn't have to do what everyone else is (or expects him to do) to be happy. xo
I think we have the tendency to see things in too much of a black/white instance (I know this is a huge thing for me), and what you learned - about KC being happy although it's not what everyone else is doing - is a great compromise for everyone!
And I think that if you're in that situation again, I wouldn't ask a friend not to touch him - I think that many people (that don't understand KC's sensory needs)would take offense to that request. But how about putting KC in between your family, or between you and friends that understand his needs? Then he could be sheltered from unwanted touches.
have a great day! R
I often feel like saying, why do people expect that our kids have to be "good" or in a good mood---who does? The main thing for me at such social occasions is that we get through things and get home (in more or less one piece). And you definitely did that and more! Love those photos of both boys.
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