Mr. Sleepy Head. His life has been very busy these days, it's no wonder he conks out so quickly.
K.C. has to have everything perfect. When we go somewhere he has to bring 3 or 4 favorite objects from home with him. When we are in the car he puts his things down just right and God forbid they get touched or moved, he will lose it. I just wonder why he insists on taking these things with him if they are a great source of frustration. He won't leave the house without his, car, toy cell phone, food item and drink with a straw. I guess it's o.k?
Yesterday Big Brother was outside riding his bike with the neighborhood kids. I can see them from the window trying to jump a mini ramp a kid brought. There were roughly 16 kids out there. The youngest looked 4 and the oldest 14 or 13. I went out to check on Big Brother (also to let the other kids know I'm watching and they had better not be mean to B.B.) K.C. walked with me. Some of the kids asked B.B., "who's that boy with your mom?" "Can he play?" B.B didn't even answer, he just rode off. He gave me a quick look and left. This is the very first time I could see in Big Brother's face that he was ashamed. I knew it right away. I took K.C. inside quickly. I don't know why but I was angry and hurt at B.B. I let him play a little longer and then called him inside. He was quiet, he knew I was disappointed. At dinnertime I figured we'd make tacos so that he could help. He always grates the cheese and washes the vegetables. We started talking. I asked him if he felt embarrassed by K.C. He said, "yes." Then said, "only because if K.C. makes a weird noise and they know he's Autistic they will make fun of me every chance they get." These are the only children in the neighborhood for him to socialize with. He likes these kids so I am kinda at a, "not sure what to do moment." I have noticed that Big Brother is changing a lot. He wants to be even more independent and gets embarrassed when I hold his hand or hug him in public. I guess he's getting older. I can say that I am surely thankful K.C. lets me hug and love on him all I want. He doesn't worry about being embarrassed. Two boys, completely different. I am starting to wonder if I should make friends with Autism families and find an NT sibling of an Autistic child that Big Brother can connect with. I just don't want it to be about K.C. and Autism all the time. It's not fair to B.B. I guess I have alot of thinking to do. One thing is certain. I am not going to keep K.C. inside just because of some kids who are jerks. He has a right to play just as they do. If I hear them make fun of K.C. I will come unglued. I know in my heart that K.C. understands everything that is being said around him. He just can't show it.
K.C. has been going to habilitation everyday. He's doing well. He likes the art center the most and I swear he almost drew eyes and a smile! I could see it! There are also group activities, he hates group time but has his hab person sit through it with him. Hopefully he will learn to like it.
Ad man Adam is great. I bought him an IPOD and he loves it! He's always wearing it and if you were to glance at him he just looks like a teen guy with an IPOD. You know, just one of the guys. I'm really happy that he likes it. He picked pink. What is with the color pink? I took K.C. to get new shoes and put three pairs in front of him and he picked DC soes that were pink. I tried to take the pink ones away and he had a fit. We got the pink ones because he likes them. Pink can be for guys too can't it?
I am doing better. Not as tired anymore now that the boys are going to Habilitation. I can get tons of things done while they are away and can even sleep! I was scared at first to leave them, the trust factor is huge with me. Everyone around me kept telling me to try. I finally did and I have a good feeling when I do drop them off and pick them up. They are happy there and have had better coping skills that I can notice already. I should have done this along time ago.
We hope you all are o.k. and we are sending a very big hug to Nik and his Mama. Feel better soon Nik!
11 comments:
Oh I'm sure that must have broken your heart. I'm sure some of it is Autism related but I wonder if some of it is also just normal sibling stuff. Sarah doesn't want Chloe to play with her either.
These are such hard things to work through.
HUGS
You're doing great!
Oh! And Nik & I send huge hugs back to you all, too! :-))
You sound so much more relaxed. Yay. Having the time away from each other and FOR each other is so important —for B.B., too. He is growing and changing and will probably go through some tough, but normal, transitions around it. It might help him to have someone he cantalk to about how he feels and how to dealwiththose feelings.
I love that the boys like pink, too! Hey, I've always said "Real men aren't afraid to wear pink!" LOL Big hugs to you all. xoxo
"I just don't want it to be about K.C. and Autism all the time. It's not fair to B.B. I guess I have alot of thinking to do. One thing is certain. I am not going to keep K.C. inside just because of some kids who are jerks. He has a right to play just as they do."
(((HUGS HUGS HUGS)))
Oh, man, do I feel for ya. It's so, so hard. I feel like I ought to just comment to tell you THANK YOU for sharing your heart today. So many others just like you and me have the same torn-up feelings every day. :[
Hay Girl, Your such a sweet mom. These things sound hard. Your beautiful and the wisdom will come to you. It was nice to hear of your world. Be gentle with yourself. I have no advice just a big hug.
Whoo! What a post! I think I'm getting dizzy.
I feel your disappointment that BB feels embarrassed of KC, but you know he needs a break from Autism too. BB is an awesome BB, so for him to want to be just "one of the guys", and have typical "kid worries" etc, around his friends, is totally normal. But yes, it still hurts.
Besides- weren't we all embarrassed of our siblings at one time or another? No? Just me? Hmph.
Move to Michigan! Don't let the unemployment rate scare ya. :)
I was embarrassed by my sister when I was in school, all through school actually. She was an outcast because she was a nerd and rather asocial and did not know how to get along with her peers. So, it could happen even if K.C. wasn't autistic but at the same time that doesn't help you feel any better about what happened I guess. Perhaps he will outgrow this stage and learn to be proud of his brother(s)(Adam too).
We love you guys, big hugs!
Hey Tina! I loved this post - so upbeat, despite your challenges. navigating the sibling thing is tough at best of times. My oldest has had really tough times with my PDD son and my ADHD son - both of them can totally embarrass her. Of course, her dad can also totally embarass her but sometimes I think that's a Dad's job. :) Anyway, she's almost 17 and she's finally getting past the "everything my family does is embarrassing" stage.
We had the opportunity (that we didn't take) to send the kids to sibling support groups. I'm sorry we didn't do it. The younger ones mostly accept Akiva for who he is, but the older one still needs a lot of insight on what she just has to accept from Akiva, and what she can help him work on (and how she can do that). It might be really great for BB to meet other kids with brothers (and sisters)like KC. We've heard great things about the support groups.
Keep up the good work and I'm glad you're taking care of yourself too.
Hugs,
me
Since Big Brother is sorta stuck with these neighborhood kids, is there any way you could sort of try to educate them about KC and autism? Like, maybe BB could invite one or two of the friendlier kids to the house to do something, and since they'd obviously meet KC and Adam, you could ask them if they have questions and tell them a little bit about autism. You could show them the "regular" things about the boys, too, like tell them how Adam likes to listen to music on his Ipod, so they can see that kids with autism are just kids too.
So glad to hear you are feeling less tired and Habilitation is working so well.
Yes pink can be for guys! Very cool!
I think Sara has gone through this. She and TC go to a neighbor's house and play in the evenings sometimes. The kids are nice to TC and he usually takes a toy along and does "his own thing". He does enjoy playing with a little girl there who is around 3 years old.
Sara has GONE OFF on some kids for making fun of TC but she is very overprotective, a little "MAMA" if you will.
Hang in there and give BB space...I tell Sara all the time that she will move away and be on her own one day.
I love the fact that Adam wanted a pink Ipod! Of course, I'm sure that you could never forget how obsessed Conor is with the color pink!!
When I was reading the part about Big Brother, the first thing that I thought of was Sibshops. Have you heard of it?
http://www.siblingsupport.org/
It is a support group for brothers and sisters who have siblings with special needs. I think it would be AWESOME for you to get BB involved. I don't know where, exactly, in AZ you are, but I checked to see if there were any in Arizona and there seem to be a bunch. Hope it helps!
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