Tuesday, July 22, 2008
K.C. has been having awful self injurious behaviors. I am really trying to understand what is setting him off. He can't stand to hear the water running or much of any noise lately. He doesn't want to take a bath because of the running water, he cries, hits himself and has yanked alot of his hair out down to the scalp. I am totally heartbroken. I can't sleep because I am worried, I just sit and watch him sleep, thinking about him, how can I help him? Will he always hurt himself? I wonder if he's very sad? There are so many thoughts going through my head.
I have been telling myself that not all days are going to be good. Some days will be tough, but most days are good.
I did take K.C. to the doctor today, his ears are fine, I thought it may have been his ears but the doctor said his ears looked good. The doctor really didn't offer any suggestions, as a matter of fact she just listened and stared at K.C which made him very antsy. She increased his Risperdal to 3 mg. I want K.C. to feel better but I am worried that the Risperdal will make him eat even more. He has gained alot of weight on the Risperdal. I am just praying that he feels better and I figure out what is going on with K.C. It must be so frustrating for him, he can't communicate to me how he feels, it has to be very frustrating.
When K.C.'s s.i.b.s. are happening more, Big Brother gets very worried and he is always on edge. He feels it is his place to watch over K.C. and stop him from hitting himself. I explained to him that it was Mommy's place to help K.C. through his s.i.b.s. and told him I loved him and thanked him for helping but told him, "I can always help K.C." Big Brother isn't very happy these days and has spent alot of time putting puzzles together with Adam or watching Disney videos.
Tomorrow I am going to have to cut K.C.'s hair very short so that he can't grab it anymore. His lip is busted from head banging, tomorrow I am just going to let him have a day without therapies, a K.C. day to do some of the things K.C. wants to do.
Big Brother and Adam are well. Today they watched Edward Scissor hands and then they watched Jumanji. They watched it upstairs away from K.C. because K.C. screams his head off if someone suddenly pops in a video. He runs around the house in a complete panic crying and covering his ears. I put a television in the kitchen and Big Brother has been using headphones to listen to whatever he tries to watch, if K.C. doesn't scream.
I just want all the boys to be happy. Please say a little prayer for K.C. to feel better, I am worried so much about him.