Wednesday, April 23, 2008

My Mother

My Mother passed away last night. She has had many health problems but I never thought she would go so suddenly. The Shivah begins today and I am going to pick relatives up from the airport, some are coming from Illinois and some from Israel. I miss my Mother so much. There was so many things I should have told her but can't cause she's gone. Growing up my Mother always said, "you have to take care of your little brother if anything happens to me." "He's you brother, he's family." My Dad has so many health problems as well. He won't be able to care for my brother. My brother will be living with me and the boys. I don't know if I can handle it but have to no matter what for my Mother. My brother is self injurious and profoundly Autistic. Having two kids with Autism and Big Brother will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am scared to death. My brother is a teenager and he's a strong guy but still like a 4 year old. He has a alot of help and I have to start gathering all his therapists names and try to work out having two take kids to therapies which scares me cause everything is overwhelming. How will I keep homeschooling K.C.? I am trying to to think ahead because already my brother knows things have changed and K.C. knows everything is different, K.C. has been hard to handle with so many changes, it is hard, I know he's feeling sad and confused just like all of us and so is my brother. Big Brother is scared to see his grandma one last time today, my Daddy hasn't left my mother since last night and will stay with her til she is buried today. Big Brother has picked out a beautiful rock to place on top of where she is buried. Please pray for us, we need strength, we need all of your thoughts and prayers. Please let your loved ones know how much you love them and how much you need them. My Mother and I didn't get along very well all the years and I just wish I could tell her I am sorry and I love her.

22 comments:

kristina said...

I am so sorry and saddened to hear about this. Is it possible to get therapists, respite, some kind of support staff----that is a huge load for you to have to take on. I know you can do it---look at all you have done!----please know that we're all thinking of you here.

And please be sure to take care of yourself---many warm thoughts from Kristina

Niksmom said...

Tina, I am so sorry to read about your mother's sudden passing. It sounds like you will have your hands full with your brother joining your household. When some of the dust settles, look into respite care and any day programs for your brother (is he in school?). Keep reaching out when and where you can and something will come through to help you; I truly believe that.

I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Melissa H said...

Oh Tina. :-( My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I will be praying for strength and peace for you. I am here for you, whatever I can do.

May Hashem, Who is everywhere, comfort you amongst the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Ange said...

I have no words that can offer you comfort, but many thoughts and prayers for continued strength and much needed support. I am so sorry.

LAA and Family said...

I am so sorry to hear of your Mother's death. You and your entire family will be in my prayers. I admire you for taking in your brother, you are a good Mom and a good sister, and a good daughter!

Amy said...

My condolences for you and your family. You will be in my prayers.

Best wishes,

Amy

kyra said...

oh my sweet god, i am so sad to hear about this. i will be keeping ALL of you in my thoughts and prayers. i'm not sure if it feels helpful to hear but i want to suggest taking it one moment at a time, one tiny moment at a time. send out calls for help to all corners of your life so that you can get the support you all need and deserve and practice extreme self care. my condolences, my dear. xxxxx

Casdok said...

Hugs to you. So sorry to hear of your mother passing.
A very confusing time for all, especially your brother. I do hope you manage to sort things out quickly and smoothly for him.
Big Brother, K.C and you are all strong with so much love which really comes across in all your posts. Together im sure you will come through this difficult time.
And remember we are here to give you all the support we can with our positive thoughts and hugs. x

gretchen said...

Tina I wish I could do something more to help, but I am saying prayers for you. You are such an amazing mom and it seems like you just keep getting one more obstacle thrown at you! I wish I could give you a hug.

I know you will figure everything out. Just take it one day at a time and try not to worry. You are a wonderful mother, sister, and friend to all of us. I know your mother knew how much you loved her. I hope you will find comfort in seeing your relatives.

Eileen said...

Tina I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

You certainly have a lot on your plate, but I know you will find the support you need. Don't be afraid to ask those near to you for help. I will pray for you and your family in this time of sorrow.

{{{BIG HUGS}}}

Lora said...

My Dear Friend Tina, You are such an incredibly strong woman/mother and I admire you tremendously. You are a exceptionally intelligent and compassionate woman but of course that does not make things any easier for you. There is such an amazing amount of stress in your life now and the boys' lives too, you shall remain in my thoughts and in my heart each and every day. Whenever you have a moment please let me know how you guys are doing and if there is anyway possible for me to show you some support as the stress and heavy weight upon your back increases moment to moment. We love you all dearly and send you and the boys great big hugs and lots and lots of pure unconditional love.

JUST A MOM said...

OH TINA I AM SO SORRY I AM LATE!!!! I am so so sorry,,,,, and I would also like to say this,,,, I ma sure your mother knows how hard it will be for eyou to take care of both your brother and KC..... I am sure there is NO WAY she would hold you to what she has told you to do iIF you cna not... You my dear need to make sure YOU take care of YOU! If you need ANYTHIGN PLEASE LET ME KNOW,, prayers,,,,,,,,,, (((HUGGS)))

~Miss Nelson said...

Sorry to hear about your mother. Your family will be in my thoughts during this time.

Donetta said...

Tina I am so sorry for your loss. Oh Dear Lady I will hold you in my prayers. The loss is a big hit and a huge challenge for you.. Be kind to yourself.

Christine said...

I've been stopping by here every night since you posted about your mother. I wanted to post that very same night but felt funny about it since I had never left a comment here before. I found your blog when you wrote about Autism the Musical; I followed someone's link here. Then I kept coming back because I think your son and mine are a lot alike. Also, we decided to homeschool recently, too.

Anyway, I am so very, very sorry about your mother. And I am sorry that you are so worried about how things will work out with Big Brother now in your household. What a lot you have to absorb! But I think you are probably a very strong person and you will find your way in all this. It might just take some time.

I have been sending you good thoughts and I will continue to do so.

Christine

redheadmomma said...

Oh honey, I am so so very sorry. Your heartbreak comes through loud and clear on your post. Please know that your mom hears what you need to tell her - don't ever doubt that she hears you. And just take one tiny step at a time. I wish I could give you the biggest hug there ever was.

XO R

Cynthia said...

OUr prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

Cynthia

kristi said...

I am so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for you.

A Bishops Wife said...

You have brought me tears in my eyes.

I am praying for you. You are a wonderful person.

We both believe in one-1 God and he shall love and comfort you and make you strong. You are one of Gods people. Taking care of your brother is a task he would not give to just anybody. You must be very special.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Ye'he Sh'mey Raba Mevorach said...

Dear KC's Mom,

I stumbled on your blog while searching for Matza Kugel! Honestly!

My oldest son (one of 5 kids, and the 2nd born) is PDD-NOS, and I lost my mom almost 1 year ago. I was touched by your recent post about your mom, and the challenges facing you now.

I want you to know that this anonymous blogger out in blogland (really in Israel) is reaching out to you in your loss. May you be comforted amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Melinda said...

I am late in reading this too. I am very very sorry for your loss......and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. May God watch over you all and guide you through this time. {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

I am so very very sorry for your loss.